Tonight I cried for the first time in a long time. I cried for people I have recently lost, I cried for unfulfilled dreams, I cried for past pains, and I cried for future fears.
What I realized was that there is always something to cry about when you look for it. I cried because I felt obligated, there is so much happening in my life I felt like I was being unnatural by not crying.
Now I have a headache and things are still exactly the same. Those people are still gone, those dreams are still unfulfilled, the past can not be undone, and my tomorrow still looks challenging to say the least. I don’t regret crying, because it allowed me to visit my lowest feelings and know I will still be victorious.
Being numb to the pain did not allow me to properly calibrate my feelings and actions. Exploring my pain was tricky but necessary.
Because I now know what level the people that exited my life were at, and how I need to calibrate our relationship in the reality of what it is. Not what I desire, assume or feel, but what it actually is.
Because I realized what dreams are important to me because they brought me to tears because they were yet to be fulfilled.
Because I realized how strong and powerful I truly am by acknowledging how I have made it thru more than a few situations that were thought to surely destroy me.
Because although tomorrow’s treasures will come at a price, I know from revisiting my past that I can bare the expense with great confidence and precise intent.
With the awareness of my feelings, I gained clarity, wisdom, and the power to choose how I wanted these realities to play out.
What an amazing and rewarding position to be in. I hold the pen until the end…
So much love and respect,